Reflecting on the Orlando nightclub shooting

It wasn't until I sat in church this morning that I heard about the shooting but the impact of 50 (or more) dead at the hands of anyone will hit any person who is not entirely filled with hate in a significant way. So, as I sat there, I looked up information.

Even as of now, details are somewhat sparse. The FBI has said the gunman has been a "person of interest" for one or more incidents in the past, dating back to at least 2013. They said he "may have leanings" toward radical Islam.

I don't care.

Maybe it's the lack of details. Maybe it's just that the shock of such an incident hasn't worn off yet. Maybe my heart is in a different place because I was worshipping Jesus Christ when I found out. Whatever the reason, I don't care about the details. Right now, I care about two things.

First, this simply underscores what I've said for a long time: any Christian who wants to point the finger at radical Islam needs to take a long, hard look at the state of Christianity in general. No, I do not thing Christians are to blame for someone who claims to kill in the name of any religion. It all comes down to the individual heart. And that, right there, is the problem: the heart.

Christians have done a pretty good job over the last 10 to 20 years of truly returning to the idea of global missions. That's not just commendable; it's the Great Commission in action. Christ said, "therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations." We're doing that again. The truth is, it's always happened. But Christian churches, particularly in America, used up half a century spending way more time focusing inward than outward. We built an army of people with mission-minded hearts -- and then turned them in toward the people who were already in the church. That approach makes for fantastic cheerleaders. It does not do a good job of making new disciples.

And, so, when we had golden opportunities to share the news of the love of Christ in unbelievable numbers, we instead sent what essentially amounts to a handful of people. When billions have not yet heard of Jesus, that's ineffective at best, and sinful at worst.

We need -- need! -- to reach beyond. We need to stretch ourselves and our faith. Because the difference between love and hate is a fine line in the heart.

Second, I'm thankful I serve a God who loves me so much that he pursues me from the moment I am born to the moment I die, and gives me chance after chance after chance to get things right -- even though I will never get things right. I am a sinner, and so are you. Despite that, though, God loves me, and He loves you too.

Right now, the love of God needs to be reflected into this world a whole lot more than the hatred of man. And it's the sad reality that people of all walks of life will cast condemnation of the occupants of that nightclub because they are members of the LGBTQ community. I believe the Bible is clear on that subject, but I also believe Jesus' own words and actions are clear. I am a sinner, and He loves me. There is no ranking of sin; none is worse than another when viewed from an eternal perspective.

Regardless your personal feelings toward homosexuality, discriminating against them is no way to show them the love of Christ. Accepting them as they are -- just as Christ himself has done for anyone who has accepted Him as their savior -- is the only way. I know it sounds silly to hear it phrased this way, but it's an obvious truth when you hear it: you simply cannot show love by acting with hate.

The bottom line is that Christians are not called to condemn. The Great Commission says, "go make disciples," not, "go and condemn sinners."  We are called to be the hands and feet of a God who pulls out all the stops to show His love. For Christ was not sent to condemn the world, but to save it.

His message is clear, today and every day: Love matters. Showing His love to others is my job. I won't be discouraged by someone who shot up a nightclub full of people, whether he did it "in the name of Allah" or because he was just a deranged lunatic. Right now, love is all that matters.

I came. I ran. I hobbled around a bit. But I finished well.

I managed something today that was in extreme doubt just yesterday morning. I ran -- and completed -- the Rock 'n Roll Raleigh Half-Marathon.

It wasn't my first race, and I missed my personal record by more than 18 minutes. And it's probably my proudest athletic achievement to date.

About eight weeks ago, I decided to go ahead and run this race. I hadn't been training consistently since I ran the Bull City Half-Marathon in Durham last October, because we had been packing, moving and unpacking. We were busy, so training went by the wayside. Besides, the only race I was really planning to run this year was going to be the City of Oaks Marathon.

Then Brian told me he was running the Rock 'n Roll race, and I decided it would be a good way to motivate myself to get back into shape. The schedule was going to be abbreviated, though -- I had a total of just under eight weeks to get ready. I figured cardio wasn't going to be an issue, as I've been in pretty good shape in that regard for a while now. For me, it was simply the build-up of joint pain over the course of a race that caused issues. All I needed to do was get my mileage back up quickly and I'd be good.

As it turns out, the iliotibial band doesn't like that sort of exercise regimen. 

Also known as the IT band, it's a combination of muscle and tendon that runs down the outside of your thigh and connects several muscles (parts of your rear-end, your hip flexors and a few others) to the lateral underside of the tibial plateau. There is a bursa sac underneath it to help it glide over the tibia when the leg moves.

Under tension, specifically when running, the band can become too tight. In that situation, the movement over the tibia causes irritation. This is exacerbated in runners who ramp up their miles too quickly, just as I did. Without gradual increases in activity, the band doesn't have a chance to adjust to the increasing workload.

In my case, it was both caused, and made worse, by issues I've had for years with my sacroiliac (SI) joint. That's the place where the sacrum (the bottom portion of the spine, formed in adults by a group of vertebrae that fuse together during adolescence) and the ilium (the big bone in the pelvis) come together. The sciatic and femoral nerves traverse this joint, and can become pinched if the slightest bit of misalignment is present in the joint itself or in the hips. An irritation to one of those nerves can cause spasming and tightness in the muscles of the thigh, adding to IT band issues.

That's the end of the anatomy lesson.

As late as Saturday morning, I fully believed I wouldn't run this race. I had run more than four miles just twice in a month, and that was because the pain had been setting in between one and three miles in each time. When you can;'t run more than three miles without pain, the mere thought of thirteen miles can be scary. But I decided after my final test run Saturday morning that I would race, and just accept that I would be walking. A lot.

Gun-time temperature was 32 degrees in downtown Raleigh. Ironically, it was pretty much identical to conditions when I ran the Bull City race last year. The temperature was both good and bad: good, because it would take longer for things to warm up and swell, and worse because it was very difficult to get and stay loose before the race started. But regardless, it's not much fun to stand outside in 30-degree weather for an hour with virtually no activity. By the time we lined up to start, I was shivering, and worried about my legs being too tense.

The concern was misplaced, though. Despite a lot of decent hills, I was able to run the first ten miles before the pain made me slow to a walk for a while. There were a lot of water/Gatorade stations along the course, so dehydration wasn't a likely issue. By the end of the tenth mile, I was averaging around a 9:30/mile pace. That was still a good bit slower than my personal best, but I wasn't going for time today. I was shooting for finishing without medical assistance. Despite the problems, I was faster than the course average, and for the first five miles I was in the top 25 percent of the field. That alone is a big accomplishment in my book.

In the end, I walked about two of the final 3.1 miles. That was partly from the IT band pain, and partly because both calves and my left quadriceps were beginning to cramp. That was the result of a lack of conditioning due to my limited training opportunities for the last month.

As I rounded the last corner, I summoned the last vestiges of strength I had and ran -- not jogged, ran -- to the line. About 15 feet later, I was hanging on a temporary fence, because I couldn't go any further. It hurt to the point of wanting to cry, to be honest.

You might ask, "why?!" It's a valid question. There often are not rational reasons for what we do. But for me, there were two reasons. As a child, I never -- never, not once -- earned a trophy. I was always good at sports, it's just that I never really got to participate for various reasons. Since my 35th birthday, though, I have earned two medals. Sure, anyone who finishes these races gets a medal. But if you haven't run a long race before, you may not realize how difficult they are. 13.1 miles is a long way to run, and now I have my eyes on a full marathon. There is no reason other than that I simply want to. I enjoy being healthy. I enjoy being fit. And I enjoy proving to myself that I can do it, regardless of what "it" may be.

The other reason is even more personal: I felt, today, that God was using this race to teach me something about perseverance. I could have slept in this morning. I could have dropped out at one of the medical stations along the course. But all along, I continued to feel like this was a learning experience for me regarding my faith. That's not something I take lightly.

I don't want to sound like I am trying to be some sort of sports martyr. IT band issues are common in runners. I'm far from the first person to deal with this. In the last few years, I've learned one absolute about running: it hurts. Muscles ache. Lungs burn. Feet throb. Really, you have to reach a certain level of nuts to actually enjoy this. It took me three years to get there. It hurts, and more often than not, it sucks the whole time you are doing it. But there is joy in the accomplishment, and in challenging yourself to go further next time.

But there is also something to be said for rest. Aching muscles tell you that you are working hard. But pain like this tells you that you are injured -- that something is wrong. I pushed through because I had committed to the race eight weeks ago. But I also know that I have to take a break, now. I need to let my IT band rest and heal, or it won't get better. Right now I am hobbling around the house. Tomorrow, I will just be limping. By the weekend, I will be walking just fine, but I am taking a month off nonetheless.

Thanks to everyone who cheered me on throughout the process, and who encouraged me. Thanks to all who offered pain-management tips. And thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sweet rolls of heavenly bliss

And I'm not even talking about a pastry.

I've mentioned in the past (I think) that I enjoy running. I'm scheduled to run my second half-marathon in about two-and-a-half weeks, on April 10. I'd be looking more forward to it except for this nagging knee injury that, last Thursday, made me want to shout things like, "golly-gosh-darnit" and "fiddlesticks" in an endless loop. A good, leisurely run during my lunch hour on Thursdays should be good for six miles; last week, I made it exactly 1.83 miles. Since my runs typically take me on an out-and-back course, you can imagine my annoyance when I was forced to turn around at 0.915 miles, and then walk half of the return trip.

Gee-whiz.

Public Service Announcement: "X-mas" is not a bad thing!

Every Christian has, at one time or another, held in the back of his or her mind, one thought during the Christmas season: our second-most important holiday (behind Easter) is co-opted every year by the masses and turned into nothing more than a celebration of excess and materialism. Quite often, people point to the abbreviation "X-mas" as evidence that the world is taking Christ out of Christmas.

Even if they think that's true, Christians can go ahead and smile -- because nothing could be further from the truth.

New Laptop First Impressions - Part Two

It's bee two weeks with my new Chromebook, and I can tell you one thing for certain: it was absolutely worth it.

One thing to keep in mind before we get any further into this review: a Chromebook is not going to be right for everyone, or for every task. It doesn't pretend to be. It's "correct" usage is for someone who's life essentially exists on the Web. In my case, that's mostly true. I abandoned tools like Microsoft Office several years ago due to the cost, and aside from the occasional formatting quirk with Google Docs, I've been happy with that move.

However, this isn't a review about the tools available online. This is about the laptop, and how well it works with those tools.

The Hardware

The Chromebook is snappy, to say the least. It boots up in about four to five seconds (yes, I said seconds) when turned completely off. If, while using it, I close the screen, it automatically -- and almost instantly -- hibernates. This isn't a typical laptop's sleep mode; it literally shuts down. As in, it drains no battery. And this is no inconvenience because, unlike with a Windows-based laptop or a MacBook, it restarts from its sleep mode in a matter of about two seconds. My experience with most Windows computers -- laptop or desktop -- is that they can't even restore themselves from a snooze in that amount of time, let alone a full sleep.

The computer really acts a lot like a tablet, because most Chromebooks come with either a solid-state hard drive (SSD) or built-in flash memory. They also lack CD, DVD, Blu-Ray or floppy-disk drives. If you are unfamiliar with what a floppy disk is, go ask your parents. They can take you to a library or a museum so you can find out. If you don't know what a library is, your biggest need is not a new computer. You have bigger problems. Go read something else.

But I digress. The laptop is much like a tablet in that it is completely silent. With no moving parts, and high-efficiency components, there is a minimal amount of heat build-up. That means no fans, which means you can't listen to hear if the computer is running. You have to, instead, do crazy things like look at the screen or check the power light. I know, I know, that takes a little effort. You need to actually open your eyes. Perish the thought.

There are lots of reasons why I chose the Toshiba Chromebook 2. Most Chromebooks come with two gigabytes of memory; I am writing books, so the more memory, the better. This one comes with four gigabytes instead, and from other reviews I've read, it's noticeable.

It also has a dual-core processor, giving it some good horsepower.

The screen is incredible. Even at just 13 diagonal inches, it manages to have full HD resolution -- 1920x1080. Text is crisp and clear, and the screen's brightness is as good and as even as I have seen on high-end laptops.

It has a high-resolution camera which can be used with various Web sites, as well as with Google Hangouts. There is a USB 3.0 port, a USB 2.0 port, an HDMI-out connection and it aso can take full-size SD cards to expand its local storage. You'll hardly need it, though, except for doing offline work. When connected to the Internet, most apps will do periodic, automatic saves.

Finally, the keyboard and touchpad are better than I would expect for a sub-$300 computer. The keys are chicklet-style, and they have great tactile feedback (the crispness of the "click" when you type).

Oh, and at less than three pounds, it's comfortable to sit at the couch and type. It doesn't get to heavy, or two hot, and the size means that it fits very comfortably on your lap without trying to drive to one side or the other as you work.

The Software

If you are familiar with Google's Chrome Web browser, you can use a Chromebook with absolutely no further training. It is, quite literally, a computer operating system inside a browser. While that may sound limiting, it is, in a way, freeing. It also is like taking a second run at the way computing used to be in the mainframe days. The idea of a mainframe was that most of the computing that occurred took place on a "master computer" and the computer you used to interact with the mainframe was a "dumb" terminal. Basically, it was just a window into the mainframe. We got away from that with the desktop PCs of the '90s and '00s. But with Chrome OS, we have gone back to a minimalistic computer that connects to servers to do most of the work. It's a hybrid model, where we have some installed, specialized software on our local computers, but a great deal of the work is done remotely. The modern execution is far more robust.

The interface of the operating system is going to be familiar to most people. You have a typical taskbar on the bottom of the screen -- which can be moved, if you prefer -- and a clock and information center in the bottom-right corner. The bottom-left corner houses the search screen, which shows tour most recently used apps, a link to view all apps, another to go to the app store (most apps are free) and a search box to load any app already installed by typing in all or part of its name. There is also a dedicated button on the keyboard to open that menu, much like the Windows key on most laptops and desktops.

For me, as I said before, the fact that Chromebooks are basically just running a Web browser is actually very convenient for me. Outside of my current day job as a software engineer, most of what I do on a computer is done on the Web. My music is all in Google Music. I do all my office-type documents through Google Drive's various apps. I spend time on Twitter and Facebook. My email has been through Gmail for the better part of the last decade. I take notes in Evernote and Google Keep. My calendar and address book are in Google's gigantic ecosystem, too. And I use Youtube, Netflix and various parts of my Amazon Prime benefits. In the end, there is precious little that I do on a computer that doesn't interact directly with one of those Web sites. If I want to play a Windows-based game, I have a desktop computer for that.

Conclusion

In the end, I'd say a Chromebook is a useful tool for most people to have around, I have a smartphone I use a lot, and a tablet, as well. The one I enjoy using the most, though, is the Chromebook. It just does its job, and things don't crash. It's not Windows or Mac OS, but I knew that going in. It has its own niche, and it may fill it better than either of the other two main operating systems available today.

If you want to use software built for Windows, get a Windows computer. If you want to spend more money than you should on a computer, get something from Apple. But if you want to live your computer life in the cloud, you can't go wrong with a Chromebook. And, for the best bang-for-your-buck deal, the Toshiba Chromebook 2 may be the best option available today.

New Laptop First Impressions - Part One

As a writer, I try to be mobile. Years ago (2009, I believe it was), I bought myself a laptop with the goal of being able to "compute anywhere." Of course, at the time I was single and wanted to replace my desktop computer, so being the master of overkill I am, I went and bought what is known as a "desktop replacement" laptop. In other words, it's a laptop that's a "laptop" only by tribute of name; keeping it in your lap for any extended period of time would result in numb feet and, potentially, second-degree burns.

I can't see the grand plan -- and that's okay

Ego has long been a big challenge for me. It's not that I'm a narcissist, and it's not like I was never taught the value of humility. I was, and I try my best to live a humble life. But, for someone who has bounced from the highest of emotional highs to the lowest of emotional lows -- many of which were driven by naivete more than anything else -- ego can be a dangerous thing.

Add to that my tendency toward an obsessive personality -- I either give something everything I've got, or I don't do it at all -- and it makes for a roller coaster than can be hard to control. I've learned through the years how to stay at a much more even keel, and I have learned how to not let things get to me -- so much so that, at times, I think my ability to let almost anything slide off me like water off a duck's back drives my wonderful wife absolutely crazy. It's just that I know my triggers, so I try to avoid them.

So it was a hugely revealing -- and refreshing -- moment tonight when I came to the sudden realization that there is a very good reason why God doesn't often show me the bigger picture: I'm better off if I can't see it.

See, one of my other somewhat-destructive personality traits is self-sufficiency. I have long prided (another weakness) myself on taking care of my own affairs. I try not to rely on others for much, as I have always tried to be as little of a "burden" (my own words, not theirs) as possible. Unfortunately, this do-it-myself attitude has, at times, caused me to forget that my strength, my ability and my provision ultimately come from God. Often, I take credit for things when I really ought to give God the credit and the glory. It's not intentional; it's just that I still have trouble, at times, remembering that I am merely God's means to accomplish some things here.

So, when you put it all together, what it comes to is this: if God was to bless me with a longer, wider view of things, both past and present, there's a significant chance that I would become more acutely aware of just how well I've been blessed. However, my self-sufficient nature could see that and view it as personal success, not Godly blessing. Heaven knows the last thing a person with even remotely egocentric tendencies needs to is to become even more aware of what he might have done right and well.

So God, who knows me far better than I even know myself, gives me the ability to see the short-term a whole lot better than I see the long-term. It makes things like running a business and following through on ideas to completion a challenge. But it makes me exceedingly adaptable and easy-going. There are things that are bad, but I sure do enjoy and appreciate those last two things.

And there is peace in not knowing: God has plainly told me that I don't need to be concerned about all the long-term details -- because he already has it under control. Jeremiah 29:11, a very well-known verse, says it plain and clear:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I don't need to worry and fret about the long view. God has that in control, as long as I don't try to take it from him. In the meantime, he gives me what I can handle, and let's me thrive there. Maybe some day he will lead me to a place where I can deal with the long view and not self-destruct because of it. Until that day, if it ever even comes, I'm okay with that.